Hai....
Sekadar coretan luahan hati yang terbuku..
ewahhh ewahhh kemain dah macam nak bermadah pujangga la pulak...
Entah lah...kadang sejak dua menjak ni hidup macam terasa kosong. Macam to wishing for.
Its not that everything was complete, its because i know that it wont happen as i wish.
Nothing to wish, nothing to hope, nothing to eager with and just nothing to bother.
Its just nothing at all, that's it.
Like everything just go through like usual...nothing to ponder.
blank.....
Something like, hidup tapi tiada nyawa yang menghidupkan suasana atau keinginan tersebut. Jadi, jalan terbaik nya hanya lah ikut je apa yang terjadi, kemana yang akan dibawa tanpa sebarang arah tuju yang jelas.
If i plan for a trip, belum tentu it will happen. Because, im the one yang plan and im the one yang wish for that and there will be no one to blame if that would not happen. Sebab everything was on me.
Kadang sedih dengan keadaan sekarang, tapi kalau merungut umpama macam tak tahu nak bersyukur dengan apa yang ada. Please dont act too much, sebab ni bukan big deal pun. Just macam nak layan perasaan, macam nak happykan diri bukan dengan tujuan utama yang penting atau mustahak. Its like, tak buat pun tak apa, nothing yang akan terjejas.
Like, ada atau tak ada
buat atau tak buat
pergi atau tak pergi.....
nothing change...sama jeee...
That's why la lately dah macam give up untuk tonjolkan diri. Atau berpura pura menghappykan diri dengan suasana. Dah macam malas untuk mencuba, malas untuk berusaha, malas untuk be good like used to be dulu, malas to be like into it..
Mungkin kecewa kot..mungkin dah hilang seri dengan keadaan macam ni.
Something like too complicated to explained.
Seem to be like, no other person can really understand this situation. I also dont even know how to explained it or how to express about this situation.
Neither you or i can really understand this.
Day by day...just pass like a sun change to moon. like day turns to night....something to ponder...why why and whyyy..........
Until at one point, i found a situation that can really make me cheer up. Even though like something stupid, but yes its really work. and i dont care how stupid it is......
Once you feel like you have no one with you, creating some thing or other situation by your imagination
can actually comfort you and also can make you smile with no reason.
Yes its happen right now. im into it......
Entah la...kadang rasa bersalah jugak sebab macam lari dari kehidupan yang sebenar. Macam nak sembunyikan kewujudan diri ni. Sebab rasa macam tu lagi baik, boleh selesakan diri sendiri dan senangkan diri sendiri. Berlakon macam nothing to worries, macam biasa biasa...but inner side, like mountain waiting time to explode.
Bila saat rasa ada macam tiada, cakap macam tak cakap, bersama macam tak bersama, dekat tapi sebenarnya jiwa jauh sangat. One side usaha, one side stay cool, one side want to have a great moment while the other side...keep stay cool.
Terus rasa nak berputus asa, give up dan dah malas nak stay dan fikir baik baik je.
Hard to say...hard to believe...
Sampai satu tahap kadang fikir, ada sesuatu happen at my back?
Like impossible but it possible to happen. We never know.........or to be specific i will never know!
And after so much ignorance for me, my imagination keep disturbing my mind. I never expect that i could be this far. I mean at first just suka suka je, but now macam kelip kelip in my mind.
Macam susahnya nak buang, macam stain hard to removed.
Maybe because, it happen just right after my mind is empty or to be exec is my empty soul.
Once it has been Fill up by that crap imagination and now keep appear and disturbing me.
Lets see for how far this can really bother me....
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